Ahh Mother’s Day.
Pre-kids, it was typically a nice, long lunch with mum – a picnic where you could actually lay down and maybe close your eyes and not worry if you’re kid has fallen off the playground and is being trampled by other, feral children. Or if they’ve kicked their ball into someone’s BBQ or face. Or mum and I would go shopping. You remember that time – where you could use both of your hands quite freely and look carefully at everything, and not over your shoulder wondering where your kid has gone and if they have broken anything. Those were the days!
When you suddenly become a recipient on Mother’s Day – well it’s not really sudden is it? It was kind of coming for a while. Anyway, I digress – you soon realise there are a few flaws with this “second Sunday in May” business. In fact, a frown will start to form when you think about how the retail sector has betrayed you on this very important day.
It’s true – retail is not your friend right now. Think about all the catalogues that, normally, would be spewing out of your letterbox. And what are they encouraging time-poor partners and partners with the same level of gift-giving thoughtfulness as someone texting-while-driving, to buy you?
Pajamas. Bath robes. Slippers. Candles.
First of all, what would y’all be getting us if Mother’s Day was in summer? Hmm? Would be too hot for all that shit.
What else could they get you? Appliances! Harvey Norman loves telling them how much mum NEEDS a hair dryer or a juicer.
I’d like to make it very clear that appliances are not gifts. Appliances are essential items that should be bought whenever its identified as a need. Their essential-ness varies from very essential (like a coffee machine, blender etc) to definitely don’t need to be paying this much essential, like those whiz-bang Dyson hair dryers.
APPLIANCES ARE NOT GIFTS.
I remember getting a Tom Tom for my birthday (you know, back in the time before Waze and Google Maps were on your phone). WHAT THE FUCK. Your gift is a sense of direction? OMG THANKS. Just because it’s expensive, doesn’t make it a gift.
Here’s what Mother’s Day should look like:
Mums don’t want scented candles or crap paperbacks and poorly made cups of tea even if the effort was really cute and no one got hurt in the making.
Mums, like dads I assume, want time out. Not crying in the corner with uncertainty as to why you’ve been put there “time out”. But like alone time. Quiet time. Drinking in the day without judgement time. Time for a nice long bath that isn’t interrupted with a toy shark stabbing you in the butt.
But, that time is actually a double-edged sword. I’ve sacrificed my opportunity for breakfast in bed so Hardy can go motorbike riding. I’m equal parts sad and pleased to sleep in.
So this Mother’s Day, I hope all the beautiful mamas out there get that bit of time. Even if it involves a protracted game of hide and seek where they’ll never find you because you’re not home.