I am amazed by people who remain friends after a break up. How is this possible? More so for the person who gets dumped. I suppose if you have mutual friends you kind of have to grin and bear it, but when you don’t have mutual friends – why, how? Am I the weird one? This is a possibility – I have read that it is a very ‘Piscean thing’ to cut people off once they’ve hurt you. I definitely do this.
I remember a week or two after being dumped, the guy texted me to ask about Hardy. I simply replied that he was great but added that I was surprised to hear from him. ‘Well we’re friends aren’t we?’
No mate, we’re not. He says he’s disappointed. Oh you’re disappointed?
I don’t say this to him: but I can’t think of anything worse than scrolling through social media slowly watching you move on with every post, or out doing things that in a parallel universe we’d be doing together. Well I can think of something worse actually – seeing you out somewhere, where you’ll give me a big hug with your big, attractive muscles and flash your big smile and say ‘how are you!? You look great!’
Not great enough evidently. How am I? Bloody awful, you stupid twat!
The post-breakup aftermath is not a great time for anybody and is definitely not the time for the ‘dumper’ to be sending messages or touching base. It’s confusing for the ‘dumpee’. Just having the thought: ‘perhaps he has changed his mind because he’s clearly been thinking of me enough to send me a message!!!!’ is sad enough, like this girl:
Because he hasn’t changed his mind. He just feels bad and is trying to ease his guilt. Or, he genuinely wants to or thinks you can be friends. Either way, me don’t like it.
It is unfair to expect someone to just flip the switch and turn off their feelings. In most cases (one would assume), the ‘dumper’ has thought about breaking up for a period of time, so their brain and heart has had time to adjust. But the other person might have no idea it’s coming and the shock, hurt and embarrassment can take a little bit of time to go away. Receiving and responding to text messages during this process just sets them back.
I also feel it reeks of entitlement because the ‘dumper’ assumes they can have you however way they want you? Which, like, you can’t?
I personally feel a clean slate is best – just rip that bandaid right off. I call it a digital cleanse. Unfollow, delete the number, archive or delete the conversations etc. I don’t go to the places we used to visit or where he might hang out. I don’t want to see his name or face pop up anywhere because it’s always followed by a swift punched in the gut-type feeling.
Ok – I can see how you think I’m childish and clearly have inadequate coping mechanisms. These measures are only temporary though, until the initial sting dies down. But what’s the alternative until you get there? Playing the ‘cool girl’ card by showing no pain or emotion as you casually ‘hang out’? Or go out constantly with your girls, ensuring you look amazing and kiss lots of boys to fill the void or make him jealous?
Well, no thanks. Also because neither of those things work. Here’s me doing the latter recently, and while my friend met a very nice guy that night I went home with a double cheeseburger (I’m not complaining I’m just stating the facts!)
I see being dumped as a bit of a failure to be honest – your ticket in the love lottery didn’t win. And who wants to be reminded of their ‘failures’? Do you keep the tickets to a raffle you didn’t win? The scratchie that yielded nothing? Do you keep the email that bluntly states you didn’t get the job? Do you keep things that no longer work? Clothes that don’t fit?
No, we get rid of them (or replace them hehehe). So why keep an ex hangin’ around?
I find strength in the digital cleanse, because having them around will only make me pine about it for longer which makes me feel weak and sad. And I’m embarrassed enough as it is without realising that maybe right in that moment I am feeling weak. And sad.
What’s your break-up recovery look like?