‘You’re crazy!’ (I know)

A lot of people said “wow!” when I said I was taking a four year old overseas for several weeks, by myself,  but I’m fairly certain they had another W word in mind – WHY? Or maybe WTF.

Much of it actually comes down to one sentence. “There are so many things I still want to do in life.” No, I didn’t hear these words whispered from someone’s lips as they lay dying on their deathbed, but rather, this was someone’s rationale for breaking up with me (and I didn’t hear them of course, I read them because it was 2017 so he broke up with me via SMS). What a time to be alive!

I’ve thought of those darn words every day since.

It stuck in my mind because as well as being heartbroken, I was furious. The insinuation that having children somehow prohibits parents from leading a full and rewarding life, or at the very least, from doing all these “things” in life really riled me. Particularly with a son as charming and hilarious as mine (if I do say so myself).

But, it was also the kick up the butt I desperately needed. Sure, I wish I’d never met him. Worse than that – I asked my police officer brother (“just out of curiosity”) what the potential jail time would be for burning down someone’s house. But I also somewhat subscribe to the theory that people come into our lives for a reason and all that jazz. [Also for the record I could have got life in jail if he’d been inside at the time and died a tremendously awful death. I know some of you might have been curious about that.]

In my experience it’s actually easy to rest on your laurels as a single parent, to play the victim card and fall into the mindset that you’re hamstrung, you’re alone and you’re struggling. Even if you have a supportive ex/co-parent and things are working well and your child so far isn’t maiming small animals or setting fires. My first psychologist called me out by asking me that if I saw someone else in my position, would I judge them negatively? I said no of course not, but I still couldn’t figure out why ‘single mum’ felt like a dirty phrase. Something to be shamed or pitied.

Those words made me resent my life. How would I ever find love if dating a divorced mother of one is such a drag, such a heavy burden weighing you down, you couldn’t possibly date one if you also wanted to ‘live life to the full’? I actually felt quite proud of myself up until that point: I’d made some pretty serious life changes and was coming through the other side (and I weighed like, heaps less). Isn’t that admirable? Doesn’t that show someone that I have courage and self-respect? In fact, doesn’t it actually demonstrate my commitment to living a good life, if I chose to lead a different one?

Yes, it does. I am all of those things and more. And less haha. I’ve come to learn this sad story is actually a story about a boy who didn’t know what to say to break up with a girl, particularly one who had a bad case of the feels. I doubt he thought about the consequences of his SMS. But I certainly did.

I’m not saying that when a douche breaks up with you it’s your cue to drop $20k and fly to Italy (but, like, you probably should – it does have a nice Eat Pray Love ring to it, doesn’t it?) But I took that experience as a catalyst to stop taking shit (including my own) and letting people determine what I was or was not capable of. I got on with it, determined to prove just how good I’ve got it. Because I do – I’m incredibly lucky. And also, revenge is sweet and I can be pretty petty.

So this trip is part of me “living my best life” (as well as a happy marrying of timing and circumstances to go with my ‘come what may’ attitude).

Cheers to that x

cheers.png

2 Comments

  1. So proud of you for doing this Katie! Live life, explore, and have an amazing experience with your beautiful boy! You are teaching him great things! Karen xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s